


don't let me fall behind

by lovelyjo



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22444309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelyjo/pseuds/lovelyjo
Summary: Alanis and Ulfgar see each other again after what feels like an eternity. Missing scene in episode 85.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	don't let me fall behind

**Author's Note:**

> I was sad we missed out on Alanis and Ulfgar reuniting, even though that would inevitability make me sad too. Here's a little missing scene from episode 85. Title from "Don't Let Me Fall Behind" by Jukebox the Ghost.

Ulfgar clears his throat. He does it a second time. He takes a breath in, mouth open, then stops, purses his lips and looks down. He clears his throat again. 

“Hey, man, if you’re trying to say something then say it. We’re friends,” Alanis says. 

Ulfgar nods. “I’m-- uh, it’s good to see you again, Alanis.”

Alanis rubs the fraying ends of her robes with the tips of her fingers. She takes a second to think of something more meaningful than “yeah, you too,” especially because that was pretty straight-forward for Ulfgar, but her brain isn’t working with her right now. 

“Yeah, you too,” she says. She does mean it though, it is good to see him. But it’s also so overwhelming and kinda fucking tragic. She takes a long drag from her pipe. “It’s been a minute, huh?” 

He has no idea how long it’s actually been for her. She hasn’t told him about the Wish stone thing yet, she’s not sure how he’s going to take it. 

“Yeah, I had Crick Rot and then was trapped in a gem for a while there.” He blushes and laughs a little self-consciously. “I didn’t really have time to go looking for you, but you-- you’re  _ okay, _ right?” 

He’s asking about her little stunt with Thiala. Alanis isn’t really okay, she hasn’t been okay in since the first time the world ended but she’s alive and she’s functioning and she’s about to go fucking kill Thiala. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” He looks relieved but Alanis doesn’t feel any more comfortable. “Are  _ you  _ okay?” 

“I’m so goddamn  _ angry _ ,” is all he says. And she gets it, she’s constantly seconds away from boiling over in anger but she’s also better at keeping it under wraps than Ulfgar. 

“You know, she never got control of me. I was like, prepared for her or whatever. I had to make her think she was in control but I fucking got her that time,” Alanis says. 

“That’s good,” Ulfgar says. He retreats back into silence and runs his fingers through his knotty beard. 

Alanis thinks about being controlled by Thiala and how Ulfgar came and found her and pulled her out of it, offering her his hand. 

She thinks about how she had to wait and wait until the Band of Boobs found him riddled with Crick Rot and losing himself. Alanis knows she shouldn’t feel guilty for sitting out but she can’t help but feel overwhelmed with it when she remembers that Ulfgar would damn everything to save her. 

She thinks about how she and Ulfgar used to have an easy rhythm, where sometimes they’d forgo Leomund’s Tiny Hut and just camp out. Alanis would start the fire and Ulfgar would drag more and more firewood out into whatever clearing they were sleeping in. 

She thinks about how they would crack jokes behind Thiala’s back when she was in a particularly nasty mood or being a little too uppity about something. 

Alanis and Ulfgar were friends. They used to be friends. But, they had spent so much time apart.  _ God _ , this, just sitting together and talking, used to be so easy. 

They hugged when they met up again but it was awkward and a little stiff, like hugging a stranger. They’re sitting side by side now, but aren’t touching. 

Alanis is trying really hard to be chill about this. She’s pretending like the distance and trauma haven’t made things weird but they  _ have. _ Ulfgar is the only thing she has left from her old life, when adventuring was exciting and scary and difficult and even fun sometimes but not devastating. So she won’t acknowledge the weirdness and instead, she’ll do her best to make it normal, whatever that used to mean. 

“We’re gonna be fighting side by side again tomorrow,” she says. She wants to keep it light, but everything they could talk about would acknowledge the cavernous distance between them. She settles on “you got a fancy new axe to swing at people with, huh?” 

He touches the hilt of the axe. She knows Hardwon gave it to him and that its name is Gemma, named after his ex-girlfriend, and that Gemma died right before her wedding, and so many other things. But mentioning the axe makes Ulfgar perk up so she lets him ramble on about it and Hardwon and his friends. 

Alanis has been watching for so long it’s hard to participate again. Even with Hardwon and Moonshine and Beverly who are easy to be around, who have created a smooth rhythm that she could fit herself in, she still feels like she knows too much. Like she should be lying in wait. 

But she leans back and listens to Ulfgar ramble on about things she already knows, which isn’t out of the ordinary for her. This feels normal and okay at least. 

And at least on some level, Ulfgar gets it. They won’t talk about it now, but he understands her in a way no one else does. It’s weird and awkward and uncomfortable but they’ve got each other.

She knows tomorrow will suck ass. She knows she and Ulfgar will probably be in a weird place again soon. She knows she and Ulfgar might die. But Alanis has made a habit out of knowing things and being the most prepared person in the room, and even Bahumia maybe. And so she’ll know things and fight side by side with Ulfgar and maybe she'll die but maybe they'll win. 


End file.
